Reflections on Marriage, Commitment, and the Gospel

As I type, the sun is just coming up over the city. For whatever reason, I woke up quite early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep, and with me, not sleeping and writing seem to go hand in hand. Jackie is in the next room, stirring around a bit in her sleep. As of yesterday, we have been married for two years, and I can say without a doubt that they have been two wonderful years.

I know that I am still young, as is our marriage, but I really feel that I’ve learned a lot in the past two years, both about Jackie and about myself. I suppose no one ever fully knows what’s in store when they decide to get married. I’m sure we didn’t, and to say the least there have been surprises and struggles. But I can also say, without hesitation, that it has been amazingly worth it.

Back before we left for Poland, I remember putting together a short devotional talk for a couple of high school FCA groups on “The Joy of Sacrifice.” I pulled primarily from a verse in Hebrews 12 that says to “Fix our eyes on Jesus…who for the joy set before him endured the cross.” Assuming that Paul is the writer of this letter, it is safe to say that this is a recurring theme in his letters – pressing on toward the prize, running the race, enduring, persevering. For the purpose of the meetings, I related this to the sacrifices made on the field of competition, and how victory is so much sweeter when you know you’ve truly worked hard for it – that it truly cost you something to attain it. On the other hand, if you’ve just gone along for the ride but never really invested yourself in any way, then I have to believe that you’re not really getting the full experience.

There is joy to be found in the sacrifice.

I have come to see in the past two years that the same is true in marriage, though here I would exchange the word “sacrifice” for “commitment”.

For our anniversary, Jackie and I went out for dinner and then went to see the most recent Ben Stiller movie. For those of you who might be interested, the Polish title was (I think) Dziewczynna Moich Koszmarów, but I believe the original title was something like The Heartbreak Kid. Anyways, for any Ben Stiller fans out there, it’s good for a few laughs, but ultimately it was not a good date movie and I can’t really recommend it. The movie seemed all too typical of the mindset that marriage just isn’t worth it anymore – that all marriage really does is ruin your fun and pin you down to one person for the rest of your life. Sadly, this is the way of thought that we encounter all too often with our students. It seems this generation commonly believes it much more convenient and reasonable to simply move in together for a while until things have run their course, and then get out. As I have said though, I believe the greatest tragedy here is that so many of them will miss out on the joy to be found in the commitment of marriage.

And as it is commonly understood that Christian marriage is to be analogous to the gospel, I believe this speaks to all of us, married or not.

In relationships, we often find ourselves captured by a force quite out of our control. However, as humans we are distinct in this world in our God-given ability to make choices, and so it is in making the choice to sacrifice and commit in marriage, through good times and hard times, that we find a source of joy and happiness in the relationship that is otherwise unavailable.

Likewise, the Christian faith is to be a committed relationship. In choosing to follow Christ, we commit ourselves to a God who has already committed to us, in good times and hard times, and therein we find a wellspring of unending joy and satisfaction.